Cthulhu Joke Contest winner!
After long deliberation, and consultation with dried goat entrails, a winner has been decided on...Paul Robinson, come on down! For his winning joke, Paul gets a kick in the neck, a face full of mud, and a copy of H.P. Lovecraft's Kingsport! In case you're curious, here's the entry that topped all others...
A Servitor of the Outer Gods slithers into a pub. Its a friendly place, so the locals strike up a conversation. Eventually one of the locals asks the Servitor what it does for a living.
"I'm a musician" relies the Servitor. "I can play any instrument known to man, and any other race come to think of it. I've done gigs for Azathoth at the centre of the Universe!"
The locals take this as a challenge. "Prove it! Drinks all night if you can play any three instruments we give you to play. Otherwise you'll but a round for the whole bar!"
Relishing the challenge the Servitor says "You're on."
The first instrument the locals produce is a flute. "Too easy!" says the Servitor. Its tentacles wrap around the instrument, and it pipes away. Discordant sounds and outré rhythms issue forth. As a result a couple of the locals curl up into the foetal position, and one or two gibber in the corner. But in the end those that remain standing are suitably impressed.
The next instrument is a guitar. The Servitor looks at it carefully, picked it up and turns it over once or twice. But really, it is no challenge. Plucking sounds that a human with a mere ten fingers could never hope to do, sounds issue forth that challenged the very sanity of the drunkest bar patron. Again however, the locals have to admit the Servitor was damn good.
The last instrument is a set of bagpipes. For moment the Servitor contemplates it. It picks it up, and its tentacles and pseudopods ooze over the intrument. It turns it around and goes through the same process.
This carries on for a few minutes, the Servitor becoming more and mystified. Eventually the locals start getting a bit restless, "Come on" one wag calls out. "You said you can play anything! Give us our beer if you can't. Can you play it or not?"
"Play it" replies the Servitor. "What do you mean play it? I'm too busy trying to work out how to have sex with it."